When Yuzu Answers
…your entire outlook on life changes. Because there are answers, and then there are YUZU answers.
This was displayed (literally) when Yuzu helped unveil the AQUA and Haier new appliances, and we added another title to his ever-growing Wikipedia page.
Yuzuru Hanyu: Fridge Philosopher.
Question after question, you can see in his eyes that he has spent hours trying to think of intelligent, insightful, creative points to make…about a refrigerator. And you can see in his eyes that he knows this is a total load of…laundry…but he is committed to this load of laundry because the sponsor has asked him to sell this refrigerator and by God he’s going to sell this refrigerator better than anyone has ever sold a refrigerator before. You can just imagine him lying in bed thinking for hours, ‘In what ways do home appliances improve the quality of life? And is there any connection to figure skating?’ When asked about a specific feature, instead of just saying, “I love that the bottom drawer keeps my gyoza frozen,” he spirals off into a land of alignment and nature and how the human species can stay grounded all thanks to the fact that there is a bottom cooling system in this refrigerator.
When the host said she was surprised to find there was a link between a refrigerator and figure skating, I shouted at my TV screen, “That’s because it’s Yuzu!” No one else could possibly find a connection between those two things in such an elegant and introspective way.
Yuzu, I never thought I would feel like I was watching you participate in a Miss Universe pageant, but somehow here we are.
The topic of the final question doesn’t matter: world peace, children’s literacy, global warming or global refrigeration. You’re gonna win the crown, Yuzu. Every time. Even if you look a little embarrassed wearing it.
Though I will admit there were a couple moments when I worried Yuzu was starting to run out of steam (a little dryer humor for you). Like when he very intentionally leaned toward the refrigerator after saying “はい! [yes!]” he was familiar with Oxi-soaking. It’s a good thing he caught himself before he answered, “You can even Oxi-soak the bacteria from your aged meat to improve the nutrients, umami and natural alignment of the earth’s center of gravity from your foot’s bottom cooling system…all behind a きれい [beautiful] door.”
By the time he said there are a lot of features he doesn’t use on appliances, I thought, ‘Uh oh, Yuzu. This is getting AQUA-ard…’
But I was still completely sold. It’s the same reason I loved the P&G commercials. (And, to this day, use Pantene.) I’ve always been a fan of watching Yuzu look at things. A Febreeze bottle, terrarium plants, a record player, Italian chocolate flowers, every stuffed animal he has ever been handed…ever. (Don’t worry, Pooh-san, we know you’re the Alpha.) It makes me wonder what other sponsors we need in order to unlock new “Yuzu-looks-at-things” treasures. My first (and recurring) suggestion? A vacuum. For the love of Dyson, let’s get Yuzu a vacuum cleaner sponsor. (And yes, I did just Google “leading vacuum cleaner manufacturers in Japan.” Hey. I’m willing to put in the work.)
This campaign made me realize I have so many things in common with Yuzu. I like things organized. My feet start from the ground. I avoid eating expired food. My leg has trouble being at a 90 degree angle. It’s uncanny.
In fact, when Yuzu “confessed” that he really likes to keep things organized, I thought, ‘Careful, Yuzu, we’re getting into hot chocolate making dark corner territory here.’
Watching Yuzu try to be the Yuzu he thinks Yuzu needs to be is touchingly comical. It’s the honesty, the commitment, the desire to please that makes it all so endearing. He isn’t lying. He has convinced himself of these things. With everything else he has going on, he has taken legitimate time to think about how warm and comforting it would be to have a light come on when you have a late night snack. Something that I hope someday he will allow himself to experience firsthand.
I love how he pretended to know what things are. Like Oxi-soaking. And food. But he could only go so long without being completely honest. His initial response may have been one of experienced enthusiasm: “すごい ! [Amazing!] Aged meat!” But soon (11 seconds later to be exact) the little voice in his head whispered, “Yuzuuuuu. You know you’ve never had aged meat,” and the truth came out.
I can see the headline of the Mainichi Shimbun now: “Yuzuru Hanyu Has Never Had Aged Meat…” to which the Sendai newspapers would add: “Tongue Reigns Supreme!”
In the rare moments when he was stumped, he did some deep breathing like he was getting ready to enter the raging current. Then, out came the truth, “I don’t cook. I don’t have ingredients in my fridge.” And as he reached desperation level when he remembered he was selling a refrigerator, he thought of his raw egg rice poker nights (おめでとう[congrats] to any long-time FanyuFanme followers who get that obscure throwback). ‘Eggs! Those count as food!’ Even then…it all returned to the safe topic of rotation.
He even rotates his EGGS!
He tries so hard. He’s so gracious. He takes it so seriously. He even appeared to have image trained these answers, as the more technically (or just flat out bizarre) questions seemed to be paired with their own choreography. I hope we get to see “the film edit,” “the egg rotation,” and “the earth’s alignment” moves in an Ice Story someday. He prepared for this like he was going for his third consecutive bronze gold 冷蔵庫 [refrigerator]. “Thank you for having me. I’m so happy to be here. I’m so happy you’re here. I’m so happy we’re here together.” We are too, Yuzu.
Even as the questions increased in specificity, he stayed cool as a cheese drawer. I wouldn’t have been surprised had they asked, “If you were a refrigerator, how many shelves would you have?” “What’s the appropriate wash cycle for your Gate of Living costume?” “Does your skate repair screwdriver fit the washing machine gasket?” “Please tell us how many Pooh-sans equal the weight of the duo drum load capacity.” (Speaking of the duo drum…His enlightened impression being that it has two drums; ne? Priceless.)
I say this with nothing but love, but Haier and AQUA better have funded Yuzu’s entire fourth Ice Story for what he did for them in this unveiling. I’ll buy anything from you, Yuzu. Because I’m not buying the product. I’m buying all the time and insight and struggle that you dedicated to selling us this product – whatever it may be.
Shortly after sharing the video with my mom, she texted that a nationwide appliance chain had just shown a TV commercial for a refrigerator.
I asked if it had changed her entire outlook on life.
Her response?
“Not even close.”
My point exactly.
