Real Boy Yuzu
Remember when we knew exactly three things about Yuzu? He loved skating. His favorite food was gyoza. He was obsessed with earphones. It seemed no matter what he was asked, we got some variation on one of those three facts – expertly crafted to feel like new information. I even wrote an entire blog post about Yuzuru Vague-yu, and why I loved him so.
He was the most inaccessible person ever.
You could spend hours wondering things about Yuzu, knowing full well there was no chance you would ever know the answers. I loved musing about Yuzu: What’s his favorite board game? Does he ever wait in line? How many “We love Irene” gloves does he own? Does he ever run out of paper towels?
Then, Yuzu turned professional. He gradually started opening doors and skating through them (or was that Nova?). We started to see more of his creative process (I’m lookin’ at you, Ice Rink Sendai Studio of Wonder). We saw him skating how he wanted (“I will jump if it artistically makes sense.”) We heard directly from him how he was doing (“My allergies are bad.”) and what he was thinking (“I’m going to sneeze.”)
It was a new chapter in the life of the Fanyus. We shifted from Yuzuru Vague-yu to Bluntzuru Hanyu. For a $9.99/month membership fee (which I like to call “Yuzu’s allowance”) you can have the exclusive honor of hearing Yuzu transform from a vague answer about gyoza to an honest to goodness real boy – who has a lot to say about nigh near everything.
In a strange twist, the more Yuzu tells us, the less I’m able to say. I find myself thinking, ‘Was that quote public? No. Was that story public? No. しまった [insert your favorite profanity], I wish that had been public!’ I’m determined to keep the confidentiality of his membership content. So, if Yuzu has had vague fun, so can we.
Even under the veil of “メンシプ” [membership] secrecy, Yuzu continues to inspire me to write prolifically based on just a few words or a sigh. For example, one member asked Yuzu if he has ever worn yellow socks. (Obviously that isn’t what they actually asked him. I’m being protective; remember?) Yuzu’s answer? “No. I have not.” That was it! Of all the questions flooding into the メンシプ 私書箱 [membership PO box], he chose to save that specific one to answer – with the revealing and insightful response of “No. I have not.” These are the moments I want to write about – these tiny idiosyncrasies that make Yuzu Yuzu. Because they have been giving us glimpses, for years, into just how real Yuzu has always been.
This new era of Honest Hanyu hasn’t come without its share of unique challenges. Now, if I want to whimsically hypothesize if Yuzu has ever forgotten his password, I have to worry I somehow missed that 27th translated part of the 21st “Menship Radio” or the 11th question asked in the 36th magazine interview, and I will appear to be a bad Fanyu. So I would like to go ahead and issue a blanket ごめんなさい [I’m sorry] for all the Yuzu facts I have managed to miss during these moments of glorious reveal. If I couldn’t keep up with Yuzu in 2022, I think it’s safe to say I have now been run over by the Yuzu zamboni, because the desert has turned into an ocean…and a pop-up store.
During the Menship Radios, we hear him accidentally hit the microphone. We hear his chair creak. We hear him turn on the エアコン [air conditioner]. We hear him sigh in a way that seems like he’s forgotten we’re all still listening. We hear him whisper to himself while trying to find files on his computer. We can ask him questions. He may even answer them – especially if the answer is “No. I have not.”
Yuzu has become the most accessible inaccessible person ever.
Because, while he’s giving answers, he’s also creating more questions. Does that keyboard sound gray…or グリーンですね [it’s green; isn’t it]? What room is the エアコン [air conditioner] in? How many questions did he save from the メンシプ 私書箱 [membership PO box]? Why did he start the stream late? Is he wearing his glasses? (My constant need-to-know.) Which version of the RE_Pray shirt does he have on? Did he wash his hair today and does it still smell like Pantene? Ok. Now the questions are starting to sound creepier than intended…but you get the idea. Just when we thought we were being invited into the room, Yuzu texted, “ちょっと待って [wait a minute]. My camera’s not working. Let’s just make this a call. 大丈夫 [ok]?” And we all happily gathered in the waiting room to listen from the other side of the door (or the font-laden YouTube screen).
I love that he still keeps things a little vague. This allows us to continue painting on the Yuzu canvases in our minds – a benefit from years of vagueness. Admit it. If you’re a member, you have your own visual haiku of Yuzu as he’s streaming. Maybe he’s in the green pajama pants of sin. Maybe he’s in his CEO – “I now own the Westin Sendai” – suit. Maybe he’s wearing his two consecutive Olympic gold medals just for the heck of it (as he’s been known to do). For all the Earthyus, he may be streaming as Chandelier Yuzu from the REALIVE program (you know what I’m talking about). And, ごめん [sorry], I’m not a fan of BlingZuru. (Though I did like the gold Gucci bracelet.) Or maybe, just maybe, he’s wearing your favorite program costume (unless it’s currently on display in a glass case somewhere). If he’s feeling particularly mischievous, he may even be wearing one of the Origin costumes he knows we miss so desperately. Or…Blinding Lights. Though I think we all know it was less the costume and more the what (or the “what the…”) he was doing in it that made it legendary. Maybe he’s Toys R Us Yuzu surrounded by a sea of stuffed Winnies from years of Pooh rain. (Though we don’t have to imagine that one anymore! ディズニー様、ありがとうございました。 [Thank you, Disney.] ) I bet he’s already inventoried his shelves for the 100+ goods coming from the Disney collaboration. What I wouldn’t give to watch Yuzu organize a shelf with a label maker…
Yuzu’s selection of questions with direct answers which “bear” (see what I did there?) little answer-ness leads me to wonder which questions he would have picked (and not picked) for his interviews in the past. I like to imagine how the press conference would’ve gone after he won his second consecutive Olympic gold medal (yes, I will use the entire description every time) and the reporters were told, “Yuzu will respond in English.” Maybe I’ll try subtly slipping that one into the 私書箱 [PO box]. “Why did you also use your hands to crawl up the GOL stairs only at RE_Pray Saga Day 2? You will respond in English.” I wouldn’t be surprised if he picked it only to have the satisfaction of bluntly stating what he wanted to in 2018: “No. I will not.” Even with his camera off, I would still see the arm X in front of his face.
Speaking of speaking English…I love how Yuzu refuses to pre-English for the Menship Radios. The moment of English decision is probably one of the most Real Boy Yuzu things that happens during the stream. I am certain I am not the only English-speaking Fanyu who finds it rewarding. For the briefest moment, I get to hear Yuzu sound as comfortable speaking English as I do speaking Japanese. Best of all, he could absolutely make this easier for himself. He could write it out beforehand. But does he? (Insert “No I have not.”) It’s something his brain clearly tells him he needs to do at the end of speaking machine gun Japanese for 54.2 hours. Honestly Yuzu, I adore how desperately you try for us, but it’s even more entertaining listening to the sounds you make that tell us you regret this thoughtful gesture after the first two English words you manage to get out. I wonder if someday someone will find the suitcase of English you left in Toronto and get it back to you. (Because that “Yuzu will respond in English” press conference is the astonishingly impressive linguistic equivalent of your Biellman spin.)
There is one thing Yuzu remains specifically vague about: his 4th Ice Story. I imagine him waking up in the middle of the night in 月曜日 [Monday’s] black track suit pajamas in a cold sweat (even in vagueness there’s something for the Earthyus) and thinking in a panic, ‘I didn’t tell them I’m doing that 4th ice story yet; did I? (sigh of relief) No. I have not.’ Um…yeah, Yuzu. You have. (BUT WHEN – and in what city or cities – IS WINTER?!?!?)
The most special part of the Menship Radios isn’t hearing whether Yuzu has ever worn yellow socks. It isn’t learning about the technicalities of figure skating. It isn’t even about what video game Yuzu is not playing or sweet he isn’t eating (and expects us to join him in the not-eating). It is about existing, in real time, with Yuzu. And not just existing – interacting. You’ve had that moment. That unexpectedly 完璧 [perfect]-timed moment when Yuzu does something, you find yourself laughing at his particular version of endearingness and then, with zero hesitation, you hear his laughter in response to your own. For that one brief moment, you are sitting in the same room, having an actual exchange with Yuzu. You aren’t watching him on TV. You aren’t looking at his picture in a magazine. You aren’t living in worlds that are 13 hours apart. You are laughing at the exact same thing at the exact same time in the exact same universe. (Don’t talk to me about streaming delays, you’ll just ruin it.) Let me remind you this is the same Yuzuru Hanyu many of us sat watching win his second consecutive Olympic gold medal (there it is again) on TV from thousands of miles away. Had I ever dreamed this level of co-existence could happen? No. I had not.
It is a completely new, unique gift chosen just for us.
His first GIFT was given in the largest venue. This one is shared in the smallest.
And while it isn’t banners or raining Winnies, in return we have given Yuzu a gift he can truly cherish: the confidence that we love him exactly as he is – Real Boy Yuzu.
…in his UA with CiONTU R&J 1.0 hair, stirring hot chocolate with his masquerade-gloved hand while sitting next to Pooh-san…and wearing glasses.
(Original Photo Credit: The Mainichi Shimbun)
Author’s Note: FanyuFanme does not use generative AI to create content. Everything is created by a very real Fanyu with a very devoted heart. (Though I’m sure robots love Yuzu too.)