My sister’s texts are getting aggressive.
And lame friends do nothing but feed the aggression. Just so happens she has some pretty lame friends. Who doesn’t? One of my sister’s particular lame friends (we’ll call him “LameFriend”) who is not particular in any of the attractive ways Obi or Yuzu are particular, wanted her to go with him to measure canned goods. I don’t know why and I don’t ask. Some people are weird. He sent her a text asking, “Or would you prefer something else entirely?” Oh, LameFriend. You should already know the answer. You’ve been to my sister’s apartment, also known as Chansungrila (not to be confused with Chansung-grill-a which is the burger joint Chansung will open after his slew of chicken shacks take off…). My sister texted me and my mom and said, “What I NEED to reply is ‘YES! I would entirely PREFER…” and then for the sake of all involved, I won’t tell you what she described…aggressively…before wrapping up the…aggressive…description with “but measuring canned goods with you will be fine.” Me? I said nothing as I sat under my desk serenely thinking about Yuzu assembling a terrarium. My mom? She texted, “Measuring canned goods?”
Good call, Mom. Way to pick out the only three safe words in that entire text.
Though no matter how aggressive the words get in the texts, they’re still preferable to some of the pictures I receive. One day at work I wasn’t paying much attention to my phone beside me on my desk. When will I learn? It would occasionally vibrate, but I was probably doing some kind of rocket science or placing a catering order (which are actually the same thing) so I didn’t check it. A little while later I glanced over to see what I would classify as a virtually pornographic picture of Chansung. Granted, we all know I consider anything less than three layers and gloves pornographic, so you can create your own mental image of what was on my phone for all the world to see. But to help you along (and keep with the world theme), I’ll just say that I specifically saw France. Take that as far as you want. I immediately grabbed my phone, after first putting on some gloves for sanitation, and texted,
“YOU CAN NOT SEND THAT TO ME!”
Something similar happened recently with Arima… I got a message from my Blink camera that showed him waving. He likes to activate the motion sensor to get my attention. In the picture, the top hook of his jacket is undone. Arima! スキャンダル [scandal]! I quickly texted back,
“ARIMA! YOU CAN NOT SEND THAT TO ME!……….後で [Later].”
I then sent the picture to my sister (desperately hoping she would be in some sort of meeting where everyone would see Arima’s risque photo flash up on her phone). Unfortunately, I think she was just sitting alone in her office assembling her selfie stick and eating a chicken leg from ChanChickShack. She said Arima was taking a big risk getting that sexy. I guess he wanted some attention and figured it was that or orchestrate his foot falling off. And you can only pop an appendage so many times before it becomes a little predictable. That one, you are not allowed to take as far as you want. Leave it.