Yuzuru Hanyu is My Emergency Contact

Yuzu still loves gyoza.

They say a tiger doesn’t change its stripes. Well. I think a Yuzu doesn’t change his Swarovski crystals. After Citizen’s wildly popular Yuzu White Wall Series, I think we Fanyus can say with even more certainty than ever: Yuzu is Yuzu.

Fan support? “Thank you so much. It inspires me.”

Message to self? “Let’s be happy Yuzus.”

Favorite foods? “Gyoza and Zunda.”

Free time? “Video games, earphones, music.”

Single out one of your children – er – programs? Vague-yu…

4A? “It’s hard.”

Competition? “Remember that thing called artistry?”

Oh, and don’t forget:

“I WANT TO SKATE.”

Answers we already knew? Yes. And for this, I love him even more. Because this proves a very valuable quality of Yuzu’s Yuzuness: He is GENUINE. 

He doesn’t tell you what he thinks makes him sound more interesting. His answers are REAL. I’m not sure what else you could possibly expect him to say. “I’ve taken up woodworking”? “Now that you mention it, I’m dabbling in archery” (which he may have briefly done for Origin 2.0…just like the violin)? Instead, it goes more like…

What do you like to do? “Play video games.”

What do you enjoy? “Playing video games.”

Do you have a hobby? “えーと [Um]….playing video games??” 

The best part is that his honesty streak has gone on for so long that he’s actually starting to look a little embarrassed each time he answers. I love the sheepish smile of ‘Do I give my honest answer again?’ right before he says: “Video games.”

Speaking of video games… (Yes, Yuzu, we’re going to linger on that topic too.)

There’s Madden Football. There’s Tony Hawk Skateboarding. There needs to be a Hanyu Figure Skating video game franchise.  And IIIIIIIII think we all already know who could do the AI. The hairstyles could change as you gain XP. Imagine trying to level up to LGC Hair. There could be side quests where you gain points by gathering up Pooh-sans to clear the ice as fast as possible before the next skater…unless of course that next skater is…well, we won’t go there. And we know Yuzu has already earned ALL the hearts. 

But back to Yuzu’s consistency…

These are his favorites because they are…his FAVORITES. The definition of a favorite is “a person or thing that is particularly well liked by someone.” 

Example:

My favorite PERSON is Yuzu.

Yuzu’s favorite THING is earphones.

…or video games…or gyoza…or playing a video game while listening to music on his earphones and eating gyoza. And if that’s what he’s currently doing, it’s a miracle he ever leaves his house. Oh wait. He doesn’t. We’re all just lucky that (as far as we know) he doesn’t have an ice rink in his house. And when we’re talking “Yuzu’s favorites”…well…we’ll just say the rink ranks high.

But the bigger question than “When is Yuzu going to give up and start making up bizarro answers?” – which I personally think could be たくさん [lots] of fun – is “Why isn’t he getting asked anything new?”

There is more variety in a random Facebook quiz designed to send your friends. What’s the first thing you do in the morning? If you had three wishes, what would they be? What was the last picture you took on your phone? Would you rather go sky-diving or deep sea diving? If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it – Ok, so maybe we know that one.

But seriously, these people are interviewers and journalists and major corporations. Find an intern who’s a Fanyu – HECK – the CEO is probably a Fanyu. And ask that Fanyu, “What has no one ever asked Yuzu?” I guarantee they will not say, “Someone should ask him about the Quad Axel.”

Let’s be clear. People will sometimes claim they could listen to someone they love read the phone book. For Fanyus, we’ll listen to Yuzu say “餃子, イヤホン, 音楽, ゲーム” [gyoza, earphones, music, video games] as many times as he wants.

BUT If you want a different answer…you might want to ask a different question. 

After weeks and weeks of some serious Missing Yuzu we were perfectly content adding another volume to the Yuzu Encyclopedia of Already Known Knowledge:

QUESTION #1: THE 20,000 POSTCARDS

Finally, these surfaced! I know I wasn’t the only Fanyu who kept wondering what happened to those 20,000 postcards. While I had wanted a giant vat filled with them for Yuzu to dive into at the Closing Ceremony and roll around in like the fun ball pit at Chuck E Cheese, I accepted that he was dealing with enough with his injured ankle. He didn’t need a thousand paper cuts on top of that. But raise your hand if you were surprised to hear that he appreciated them and that they made him want to skate. Anyone? Didn’t think so.

QUESTION #2: MESSAGE TO YOUR FUTURE SELF

This one nearly did me in. 

Seriously. Yuzu telling Yuzu he hopes Yuzu is happy? I think one of those Yuzus overestimated just how much our Fanyu hearts could handle. 

And don’t even get me started on how he went from saying it might take one minute to get over feeling unrewarded to it taking one month. There’s honest Yuzu again. I hope that month is finally over for you, Yuzu.

QUESTION #3: FOOD

If the time between asking him this same question gets any shorter, supply chains aren’t going to be able to keep up. I like to imagine that before Yuzu answers these questions, one of his staff members discreetly slips him a note that confirms a) Sendai had a stellar edamame crop this year and b) we have fully stocked your refrigerator with gyoza. Because poor Yuzu may never get either of these things if we Fanyus keep buying it all every time he mentions it. So maybe make sure you always leave at least one on the shelf…

QUESTION #4: FREE TIME

Translations of this question varied between if you have free time and what you would want to do for a vacation. Either way, we got the combo pack of “On my vacation from skating I want to skate,” and “Please let me keep playing video games and listening to music on my earphones.” I think we were all pretty sure that the answer wasn’t going to be, “I’ve always wanted to see Paris in spring.”

QUESTION #5: THE WATCH

Spoiler alert. This one’s my favorite, so I’m saving it for last.

QUESTION #6: THE QUAD AXEL

I love that Yuzu has finally resorted to basically stating, “It’s hard.” We have had hours of interviews and documentaries about this jump – entire news segments with extremely detailed descriptions and demonstrations from Yuzu himself about why it is so freakishly difficult. Please stop asking him about this. Yuzu and the Quad Axel are still figuring out their cohabitation. Let’s stop shoving them together on the loveseat at The Newlywed Game. I think from now on Yuzu should answer any questions about the Quad Axel with, “That’s personal.”

QUESTION #7: COMPETITION

So this realllllly wasn’t the time to ask him that question, but luckily, Yuzu answered just as we would expect and hope – graciously and with the not so subtle reminder that it’s really only about him…in the least arrogant way possible. Add in the key fact that figure skating isn’t just about the jumps and there should be – wait for it – musicality, and you’ve got another Perfect Yuzu Answer in the books…or the Weibo archives, however you want to look at it. Feeling a little silly having just asked him about the jumps again; aren’t ya, C-chan? It’s ok. We still love you…

ESPECIALLY when 12:07 rolled around on 5/20 and, despite the final question being answered the day before, THERE WAS YUZU AGAIN! The only problem was that 5/21 was coming and, well, give us eight Yuzus and we’re going to want nine…thousand. 

But back to the watch question:

This was my favorite of all, because it marked the true return of Yuzuru Vague-yu. He was asked which of his programs he would next like to see as a Citizen collaboration watch. After gushing gratitudes and helping Citizen sell out a watch they ALREADY produce, Twitter exploded: “I love that watch!” “That watch is so pretty!” “Haru yo koi was so amazing in Beijing!” “YUZUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!” 

Hours later, someone in the back timidly raised their hand and said, “I’m not sure he answered the question?” Brilliant. My favorite tweet of all? The brave Fanyu who said, “He answered the question but didn’t seem to answer it.” I laughed for five minutes solid. Because I was just so dang proud that Yuzuru Vague-yu not only had returned, but had this time un-answered so masterfully that he flew under the radar for several hours. You’re getting even better at this, Yuzu. Just like EVERYTHING ELSE.

I can’t wait until Fantasy on Ice when he starts getting questions about way bigger topics than favorite food. Like, “What are you going to do next?” “Will you compete?” “Are you going to keep doing the quad Axel?”

I secretly hope he just puts in his earphones, points to his cherry blossom watch, says “Look at the time! I’m late to play my video game,” pops a gyoza in his mouth and walks off camera.

Because that’s what makes him happy. 

And even Yuzu wants Yuzu to be happy.