Featured / Yuzuru Hanyu is My Emergency Contact

Yuzu’s eyes heal our hearts…in six seconds.

Author’s Note: During the Beijing Olympics, I wrote a post with every intention of publishing it at that time. Upon its completion, I realized I had unintentionally written my response to how I envisioned Yuzu’s retirement announcement would go, and chose to save it for that fateful day. But, when that time came, as usual, Yuzu went Yuzu’s way – and this commentary failed to capture the essence of his determination (and refusal to use the word “retirement.”) But this Olympics moment and the sentiment expressed in this post have stayed with me through every day as I waited for, feared and imagined this announcement. It will always be a beautifully profound Yuzu moment which I believe should never be forgotten. Like many Fanyus, I am still processing what actually occurred on July 19, 2022 and am still crafting FanyuFanme’s “statement of determination.” (Spoiler alert: Yuzu is happy.) Until then, I hope these words and Yuzu’s eyes will heal any lingering uneasiness in your Fanyu hearts.

By now, we’ve all seen Yuzu’s absolutely heart wrenching interview with Shuzo-san after the Free Skate at the Beijing Winter Olympics. But I want to ask you: have you seen the whole thing? And when I say “the whole thing” I mean the most devastatingly beautiful, wordless exchange between two humans with such respect for each other that the mere look from one is enough to break your heart for the rest of your life. Let me explain.  

Many versions of this interview have had seconds edited out to keep things moving, because it is assumed that we all have an attention span of 1.4 seconds. But, after watching this interview over and over (despite it always making me cry), I happened upon a version that someone had mercifully decided not to let fall prey to “faster is better” syndrome. And they left in the six seconds (SIX!) once Yuzu turned back to face Shuzo-san after momentarily succumbing to tears. He looks to Shuzo-san, awaiting the question. But Shuzo-san says nothing. And then the look Yuzu gives him, his tearful eyes trying to smile as he nods again to proceed, says thousands of things, in six seconds.  It says…

大丈夫。[It’s ok.] 

I know you don’t want to upset me. 

I know you feel bad moving on. 

We’ve been through a lot. 

I know you care. 

It’s ok.

I knew Yuzu would give us glimmers of the unexpected during the Beijing Olympics: Yuzu using the word “unlucky” to describe something that would cause anyone else to swear. Yuzu bowing to the volunteers. Yuzu disinfecting his hair. But it wasn’t just at the Olympics. It’s every time Yuzu is present. It isn’t about the GOE, or the score or the landing. It’s about Yuzu being Yuzu. The tiny things he does that reveal who he is and beams his soul for all to see. And it’s these six seconds which have become, without a doubt, the complete summation of Yuzu for me. 

Because Yuzu is always – always – healing us. It was the same at World’s 2021. Yuzu was the one struggling. And yet, when it came time for the Gala, he skated so beautifully to Hana Wa Saku…lifting a flower and our hearts…to make US feel better. After an Olympics that had clearly been torturous for him, he did it again. Barely given a minute to gather his thoughts after “Grab your bag of ice and get out of a medalist chair, 4th Place Skater,” he was thrown to the media wolves (we don’t mean you, Shuzo-san) and expected to answer question after question…all while suffering what must’ve been an emotional dagger in his heart and a physical dagger in his ankle.  

I don’t know what more can possibly be asked of him, but I am certain that whatever it will be, he will conquer it with brave, kind eyes. And now it’s our turn – our turn to gather ourselves after the tears to give him the same heartfelt nod that says…

大丈夫。[It’s ok.] 

We know you don’t want to upset us.

We know you feel bad moving on.

We’ve been through a lot.

We know you care.

It’s ok.