Featured / Yuzuru Hanyu is My Emergency Contact

Yuzu is winning ice shows.

You don’t technically “win” ice shows. At least that’s what I thought. But, after Fantasy on Ice Nagoya, Yuzu proved that HE does…and so do we.

The original title of this post was “Let Yuzu keep his clothes on.” Once the Nagoya Day 2 “Ab Slide” broke the Fanyus, I was prepared to write a thesis on how Yuzu should be appreciated for ALL of the things he is that are so much deeper than his abs. That the Fanyus love the entire essence of Yuzu (I’m pretty sure that’s also the name of an Anthropologie candle…). He doesn’t need to flash a shoulder or pull up his shirt to be loved by us whole heartedly. Personally, I like my modest Yuzu in his seven layers.

I’m quite fond of Yuzu in clothes.

One of my favorite clips of Yuzu is the one where he is sitting on the bench at the Cricket Club and takes off a pair of pants to reveal…another pair of pants. Now THAT is sexy, Yuzu. I hated seeing all the demands roll in for him to take off more and more clothes. Isn’t Yuzu better than that? Doesn’t he mean more to us than that? Hasn’t he already won us – completely – and by a world record margin?  

You can see how that post could’ve gone…

But then I saw a comment from a Fanyu about how they are happy that Yuzu is having fun. And I realized I was wrong. I didn’t need to say any of those things. Because they were right. (Not to mention the sticky issue of hypocrisy when it comes to me demanding “TAKE OFF THE HOOD AND SHOW US YOUR HAIR!” while at the same time attempting to throw (non flammable) water on the Earthyus demanding “TAKE OFF THE SHIRT AND SHOW US YOUR ABS!”…) More important than protecting Yuzu’s eye candyness is being happy that Yuzu is having fun…and that it is WITH US. 

After watching Yuzu withstand so much pressure during the Olympics, I am happy to watch him masterfully spin off his blazer if it brings him joy. 

Though it did beg the question, “Now what are you going to do with that jacket, Yuzu?” But he clearly had practiced that part in his hotel room too.もちろん [Of course].

So, technically we all won with that jacket choreography. The Earthyus got Yuzu taking OFF the jacket. The Prudeyus (that’s a new one, we’ll see how it plays out) got Yuzu putting ON the jacket. And Yuzu got the screams from ALL of us. It’s nice when everybody wins.

A fellow Fanyu pointed out that my often referenced “mortified to expose his shoulder” Yuzu wasn’t home that day. Uhhhhhh…yeahhhhh. He certainly was not. In fact, it ironically looks as if this is becoming Yuzu’s favorite body part to flash. Yuzu likes to contradict me sometimes. Stop it, Yuzu! You’re killing my Yuzu Street Cred!

In fact, there’s been so much attention on Yuzu’s Skin Flash on Ice that we’ve almost forgotten about Makuhari’s ice show winner: the paper cup. Almost.

We better be careful or Yuzu may decide to become a competitive water pourer. One news clip from Nagoya showed the cup pour from “Real Face” four times (including twice in slow motion) but only showed his triple Axel twice and didn’t even comment on his (insane) jump combo during the finale. When Yuzu said figure skating isn’t only about jumps, I’m not sure he meant it was only about paper cups. Well, Yuzu. I guess you’re going to have to start being more specific…or less sexy. And I think we all know there’s only one of those two things you can actually do. 

After Makuhari, the question had been: What will Yuzu make our hearts scream next? The answer to that question came before Fantasy on Ice Nagoya had even officially begun. And the answer was “きゃー!” [fangirl scream].

Nobu’s now legendary video (which I have entitled, “Yuzu Heckles Nobu”) took Yuzu’s no social media prowess to a whole new level. Does Yuzu need to have his own social media accounts to win the internet? No. In fact, he’s shown us now that he doesn’t even need to be in the screenshot to go viral. I can’t tell you how many times I have watched this video solely to hear Yuzu’s voice offscreen. And is anyone else obsessed with the way his voice gradually ratchets down from fangirl to “that’s not true” Humble Yuzu? I think they should rename Nagoya to Nago-“KYAA!” in honor of this momentous addition to Yuzu’s series of “Endearing Videos He Accidentally Won.”

Apparently Yuzu even won the rail announcements in Nagoya as people were warned about crowds due to an “event.” They really should’ve just said it like it is: “YUZU IS HERE. STAND BACK.” or “BEHOLD. GOAT IN TOWN.”…or they could’ve just played Yuzu’s “きゃー!きゃー!” [fangirl scream] on loop – which would be a fantastic way to start and end your daily commute.

But back to Wild Yuzu and what we did to deserve him. 

I know there was a time when Wild Yuzu was far more common. The infamous “Ladies and Gentleman, we’re going to take a brief intermission before Yuzuru Hanyu loses all of his clothing” era. The “Yuzu lost a dance battle…and his shirt” era. But somewhere along the way, he entered the “I am the Emperor of Figure Skating” era and I guess he felt the pressure to stay…clothed.  

I also believe there is the very real possibility that there are some SERIOUS inside jokes going on within the FaOI cast. Whether it’s about the costumes or the social media response, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a competition to see who can get the biggest reaction. And of course we know who the winner will be.

I can just imagine Yuzu being like, “Hold my paper cup” before he took the ice for his “Ab Slide.” 

In fact, once this footage surfaced, I found it hard to find anything else on social media. When I couldn’t even find the 4T + 3A +3T combo from Day 2 amidst all the screenshots of a provocative black and yellow silk shirt going where no Fanyu thought a shirt had gone before, I realized, “There is no pre-Ab Slide.” Or, simply put by Yuzu, “I WIN.”

But if we’re handing out gold medals for these ice shows, it has to be acknowledged that “Real Face” apparently didn’t “win it” for everyone. And that’s fine…I guess…as long as you don’t get hateful about it… It made my heart go ドキドキ [heart palpitations]. And not because I am one of those Fanyus that thinks everything Yuzu does is perfect just because he is Yuzu.

I mean, it’s not MY fault everything Yuzu does is perfect…

Was it Masquerade? No. Was it 春よ、来い [Haru yo koi]? No. Did the costume have butter wings? No. But it was a new Yuzu program. It was Yuzu skating for us. It was Yuzu once again defying the laws of Physics and saving a triple Axel one ferocious Besti at a time. 

Everything Yuzu does is Yuzu. The moment he does it, it becomes Yuzu. It may not always be the Yuzu you prefer…but it’s still Yuzu.

Who knows which Yuzu we’ll get in Kobe and Shizuoka? I wouldn’t be surprised (or disappointed!) if we get 美しい [beautiful] Yuzu…in a sparkly spun sugar costume. But if he incorporates the paper cup into THAT program, the Earthyus may finally get what they want…and I’ll let you figure that one out for yourselves.