Yuzuru Hanyu is My Emergency Contact

Yuzu is trying to tell us something.

And this time it seems like more than just “ありがとうございました!” [thank you]. 

Fantasy on Ice Shizuoka was a full weekend of new Yuzu content: 

Yuzu interviews! 

Yuzu rehearsals!  

Yuzu Y stand!

Yuzu Fuji-sama pose! 

Yuzu sitting in the arena!  

Yuzu putting on a shirt!

Yuzu landing the 4A and then pouring a cup of water over Bing Dwen Dwen. (That didn’t really happen. I was just testing you to see if you remembered anything that came AFTER the “putting on a shirt” part. Don’t worry. I’ll grade on a curve.)

I do acknowledge it was actually Kobe who provided the “Yuzu putting on a shirt!” part of the weekend. While everyone was melting (but not as much as Yuzu – which we’ll get to later) one specific thought came to my mind: NOW we know why Kobe kidnapped Yuzu. They had the shirtless Yuzu footage, and they had no idea what to do with it. So they just shared NOTHING. I imagine the cameraman returning to the studio with the footage sealed in a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist and asking, “What should I do with this?” I can see how Kobe may have needed a week to figure that one out. 

Speaking of figuring things out, it seems no one is quite sure exactly what is happening in Yuzu’s newest program. Is it passion? Is it angst? Is it…possible to have the “Head Sway Besti Squats” in all of Yuzu’s new programs? (Or that other new move which I don’t think has a name but I’m pretty sure you all know which one I mean…) What is Yuzu’s レゾン [Raison] trying to tell us?

The people who hadn’t seen it yet were baffled.

The people who saw it streamed in the theatres were baffled.

The people who saw it in person three days in a row were baffled.

And you know what this means? We have entered a new era: Yuzuru Vague-yu ON ICE.

Yuzu has found a new way to confound us…and we don’t even need someone to ask him a question first.

All I know is this: I don’t have to understand it to know I LIKE IT.

But back to Shirtless Yuzu (you were hoping I would say that; weren’t you?)…

I am just as baffled by all this new “Shirt Choreography” as I am by レゾン [Raison]…perhaps more. What are Yuzu’s abs trying to tell us? Are they trying to distract us from something? Are they a “slight of ab” trick? Or maybe Yuzu really is just hot – and I mean in the body temperature way. When you look at the moments which have “twitter-pated” (see what I did there?) the Fanyus the most, they all seem related:

Pouring water over his face.

Pulling off the Wuzzle hoodie.

Lifting up his shirt.

Removing his jacket.

Rolling up his sleeve.

Lying on the ice…and staying there…a while.

The Fanyus thought we were the ones blazing, but all this time it was just poor Yuzu trying not to pass out from heat exhaustion.

Granted, Yuzu, I don’t imagine when you’re in the grocery store and you get overheated you push the cart down the aisle while holding your shirt up between your teeth. Then again, maybe you do…or will start now! (Sendai Grocery Shopping Cart attendant applications just started pouring in.)

During intermission, the stream I was watching played Yuzu Programs from previous years – Hana ni Nare, Masquerade, Rondo, SEIMEI…the list went on and on. And with the start of each new video, I would let out a little gasp of joy. Can I watch any of these programs on YouTube any time I want? Yes. But the love and excitement I felt watching each of his programs reminded me:

Yuzu has been giving us Fantasies on Ice for years…and not just in the summers…and often without pulling up his shirt.

But now we are adrift…for the first time. We have no idea what Yuzu is going to do next. For the past four years, we weren’t CERTAIN Yuzu would compete in the Beijing Winter Olympics, but I think we had a modicum of suspicion that, given the 4A trajectory, it seemed a natural marker on Yuzu’s GOAT Timeline.  But ever since Beijing, we don’t know what Yuzu is thinking. Fantasy on Ice had granted us a momentary reprieve from the “What’s next, Yuzu?” Game.

I tried to blissfully enjoy FaOI without worries of what is to come – to bask in Current Yuzu. But with every Yuzu interview, jump (and not jump), mysterious choreography or side glance, I found myself asking “What does that mean, Yuzu?” Or, to reference the iconic Yuzu moment from the 2015 Grand Prix Final, “Why are you crying?” Are you overwhelmed because you’re happy? Because you’re tired? Because you’re retiring? Because you’re not retiring and now you have to battle this new ISU nonsense? Because you didn’t really find your lost bracelet in Makuhari? And during the entire Notre Dame de Paris encore, I wondered, “Is this it, Yuzu? Is this your final statement? What are you trying to tell us?” Ironically, if Yuzu were to actually answer, he would probably say, “ええと[umm]…I like to skate?”   

I feel like I’m waiting for Yuzu to pull the pin out of the Future of Yuzu grenade. When I went to sleep following Day 3 of Shizuoka (after watching the replays multiple times) I wondered, “What will we wake up to tomorrow? Plans to compete? A retirement announcement? An injury update?” But it was none of these things. Instead, it was…

YUZU IN A HAT. 

And I found myself letting out a sigh of relief. “Ahhh. Things are back to normal.”…at least for a few more days.

During those days, we will enjoy all of the gifts we were given from all of the FaOI cities (yes, even you, Kobe), but we will also continue to think, because Yuzu has given us so much to think about…and in the most beautiful language on ice. 

So Yuzu, you go rest somewhere with a powerful air conditioner, and do what you need to do. We will climb up to the last seat in the arena and sit patiently and quietly, giving you the space you need…

…until you’re ready to tell us what’s next.