THERE’S A GLOBAL PANDEMIC…and Yuzu is keeping his jacket on to save the world.
Originally released in September of 2020 on the FanyuFanme Facebook Page, this special 4-part blog series was all about Yuzu’s decision to not compete in the 2020-2021 Grand Prix Series. You can now read it in its entirety below!
A very different Series where Yuzu can keep his jacket on…and still win. Support Yuzu through laughter, respect and the usual Hanyu-inspired awe.
Before the ISU could even come close to getting their act together about the upcoming 20-21 Grand Prix Series, Yuzu said “Peace out.” That isn’t a literal translation. My Japanese translation skills are virtually non-existent, but there are highly skilled Fanyus I trust to tell me what Yuzu actually says. And while it wasn’t a verbatim, “Peace out”, that was the general gist. Plus, I just like to picture Yuzu walking into an ISU Council Meeting (wearing a mask of course) and declaring (from way more than six feet away) “Peace out.”…for everything they’ve done to him…ever. (Author’s note: But please don’t retire, Yuzu. Ever.)
Around the same time the ISU was busily writing up another document of non-committal nonsense, Yuzu announced that he would not compete in the 20-21 Grand Prix Series. ピリオド [period]. Thank you, Yuzu, for once again saving the day. For one thing, I had a lot of hotel reservations to cancel. And, let’s be honest, if it’s going to be anything like the 2020 Worlds cancellation debacle, the ISU will wait to make the cancellation announcement in the parking lot the day of the first competition. But now, even if they decide to wait that long, it won’t matter to me, and now without Yuzu competing, there won’t be anyone waiting in the parking lot anyway.
I saw Yuzu’s announcement minutes before seeing the announcement that Prime Minister Shinzō Abe was stepping down. And while I thought, “Wow. Japan lost both their leaders in one day,” I also couldn’t help but think, “Wait a second…” It started to look all too convenient. Yuzu had just completed his well-written, brilliant, color-coded, ground-breaking graduation thesis. How do I know it is all those things if it’s in Japanese and I’ve never read it? Um. Yuzu wrote it. Nuff said. (“Nuff said” was also probably the general gist of Yuzu’s thesis. I mean, it was an in-depth analysis of motion-captured jumps executed by the most skilled figure skater of all time…HIMSELF.) But back to Prime Minister Yuzu. Wait. I’m getting ahead of myself…
The Prime Minister had stepped down.
Yuzu had just finished his graduation thesis.
It had been confirmed that Yuzu was in Japan.
And then Yuzu announces he won’t be competing?
Could that be because he needed to immediately start focusing on his Prime Minister duties? He’s Yuzuru Hanyu. He’s gonna need something to pass his time other than video games; landing the hardest jump in the history of figure skating; and single-handedly keeping the economy thriving through sales of luxury watches, custom mattresses, おいしい [delicious] chocolate, energy gum and any item he wears, uses, touches, stands beside or glances at.
And don’t forget about his hobby: saving the world.
And if he can’t do it by becoming Prime Minister, Yuzu will find another way…
Yuzu’s decision to not compete is yet another generous act engraved into the Wall of Selfless Yuzu Acts…which just so happens to be the wall ACROSS from the world-famous blank wall now forged into Yuzu’s legacy (and heavily featured in Fanyu fantasies world-over). Despite what haters might say (and you know who you are because you’ve been swarmed by the Hanyu killer bees), Yuzu’s decision to withdraw was not solely to protect himself (though the Fanyus heaved a sigh of よかった [thank goodness] when we knew he wouldn’t be at risk). I don’t feel the need to go into the details since it has already been beautifully pointed out so many ways by so many Fanyus, but if this was merely self-preservation, how do you explain the other times Yuzu risked life and limb (LITERALLY: life at the 2014 Cup of China and limb at the 2018 Rostelecom Cup) to compete? There is a key difference here: US.
Yuzu knows his fans will travel however, whenever and wherever they must in order to see him. I lived my life like Niles Crane even before Covid hit, yet I was STILL ready to full-on hazmat it up if Canada would’ve let me cross their border for the Autumn Classic this year. Yuzu is the Pied Piper of figure skating, except he lip syncs to Japanese Rock instead of playing a recorder. Fully aware of this effect, he is staying put…and thus could single-handedly stop the spread of the virus to tens of thousands of people.
Do I fully support this decision? もちろん. [Of course.] Am I still devastated? もちろん. [Of course.] I mean, the writing was on the non-Yuzu wall that I wasn’t going to get to see him in person this season no matter what, so I was already working through that devastation before the official withdrawal. Yuzu just took the decision completely out of my hands, and, for that, I am grateful.
It has to be so weird (but hopefully also wonderful) for Yuzu to have had so many years where he only spent a few months in Japan but now can fully concentrate, spend time with family and nest…while mic dropping a graduation thesis that could revolutionize figure skating. If only the ISU would stop trying to sell 2020 Worlds fleece pullovers and souvenir programs (in which Yuzu’s name is probably spelled wrong) and instead try to actually do something as progressive as making the sport, um, fair.
But back to nesting Yuzu…which sounds a bit like something you would see on the National Geographic Channel and that I would totally watch if it actually WAS Yuzu nesting. Remember the terrarium-making video? I’ll take a whole channel of that, お願いします [please].
I read somewhere that there is an unspoken rule in Sendai that people won’t approach Yuzu if they see him. And despite having serious doubts that this warm fuzziness is true (because somehow even during a global pandemic, there are clueless foreigners) I still love to think that Yuzu could get a curbside pickup of McBeefTongue and a Zunda Frappe without being bothered.
And now, magically, other skaters seem to think this is a grand idea. Yuzu’s decision either gave them the bravery to stand up and do what they were too afraid to do on their own OR it gave them the ego scare they needed to believe that they are popular enough to spread the virus too. “I can cause a pandemic spike just as much as Yuzuru Hanyu!” To quote Yuzu, “Let me correct you…”.
But speaking of other skaters, I can’t help but wonder if Yuzu’s absence will change the journalistic landscape of figure skating. I mean, obviously there won’t be as much coverage and the event pictures will just be pictures and not museum-worthy ART, but I’m talking about how the reporters will talk about the events…and the results. Reporters had gotten into a lovely (I’m trying to keep it positive) rut where they liked to point out the absence of other (especially certain rival) skaters any time Yuzu would win.
“Yuzuru Hanyu won the 4CC Competition, and thus became the first man in history to complete a career Super Slam…BUT…certain-rival-skater wasn’t competing in that event.”
Are you kidding me? Who reports like that?
“7 year-old Jimmy Edwards won the 50m butterfly in the tri-county swim meet held last Saturday at the community recreation center. It should be noted that Michael Phelps did not compete in this year’s meet.”
Not that I’m saying certain-rival-skater is the Michael Phelps of figure skating…you know what I’m trying to say here: The Articles Are Stupid. And anyway…certain-rival-skater couldn’t be the Michael Phelps of figure skating, because, ya know, he doesn’t have any Olympic gold medals.
But now, in fairness, for every competition of the 2020-2021 Grand Prix Series, I want the statement “Two-time Olympic Gold Medalist, Winner of Men, Yuzuru Hanyu did not compete in this year’s event.” to end every article…no matter who wins. Because if we’re gonna start caveating, let’s do it right, folks.
The very night before Yuzu announced his withdrawal, I was pondering what the next season would look like in a Covid world. And, more importantly, what it would sound like. Of all the sad differences I thought about, the one that made me the saddest also seemed the simplest: how depressing it would be for Yuzu to take off his jacket in an empty arena. I mean, if Yuzu takes off his jacket and no one is there to see it, does it make a sound? Not to mention the fact that this was looking like it was going to be a season of new programs, new costumes…and new hair. I think we should all give ourselves a moment here. …
How terrible to unveil all these things without being able to hear the reactions of your fans. Or at least the fans who were able to be there in person and represent all the rest of us weeping and clapping and screaming and clutching our hearts while watching it on TV…or NBC Gold…or the stream from that guy’s basement in China (BLESS HIM).
As much as I (and the Fanyuniverse) whole-heartedly support Yuzu’s decision and are proud to call ourselves Fanyus, there is one thing I think Yuzu needs to know:
The Fanyus are sad.
Yuzu, it breaks our hearts that you can’t do what brings you so much joy, that you were right on the cusp of throwing down the quad axel at Worlds 2020, (It was going to happen. I was going to be there to see it. I just KNOW IT.), and that you can’t work with your coaches in person, except for Pooh-san, who is probably even wearing a mask now too. いい子、プーさん。[Good boy, Pooh-san.] And it breaks our hearts that we can’t share it all with you. We are so determined to show you our support, that it might seem like we are not also devastated. Just as you are being strong for us, we’re trying to be strong for you. But you deserve to know we are also sad…and it’s ok for you to be sad too before we’re all strong together again.
In honor of Yuzu’s difficult, bold (surely heart-wrenching) decision, I was compelled to write a meaningful sentence:
The fiercest competitor is the one brave enough to step out of the arena, stop competing for himself and instead start battling for us all.
どうもありがとうございます [Thank you so much], Yuzu, for keeping your jacket on, despite knowing how much we love to watch it get unzipped. We’ll wait outside the arena with you for as long as it takes. And, when the time comes for you to take off your jacket again, we will DEFINITELY make a sound.