My sister bought a selfie stick.
My first thought? I wonder how she’s going to manage to injure herself with that.
My second thought? I wonder if it’s fireproof.
But my innermost thought? We’ve come to this.
I won’t go as far to say my sister and I are judgmental people, but my sister and I are judgmental people. Selfie sticks are definitely on the list of things we are judgmental about. Er, I guess, were judgmental about. Though I’m still on that team. Granted, we also have the occasional pot-kettle moment.
For example, one day I was in my car with my mom and sister, and I made a comment about one of my friends who is a very big fan of a certain Podcast. This friend is such a big fan that she pushes me to watch it every chance she gets. This same friend likes to latch on to certain restaurants and insist we always go there. There was even a span of several months when we had to get a grilled cheese, every Friday, like clockwork. When I mentioned this friend, my sister replied, “She has a real problem with obsession.” I looked in the rear view mirror to see my sister clutching a picture of Chansung while watching him broadcast on VLive as she wrote on the window in Korean (she thought) and, wait, is that…yes, she was dressed like a banana.
But back to my sister as Gandalf, the wielder of the selfie stick. When she presented the selfie stick with pride, she exclaimed, “I’m coming to get you, Chansung!” I think she meant she was going to woo him with selfies, but I couldn’t help instead envisioning her running up to him on the street and simply whacking him over the head with it like a caveman club.
“You. Korean Beef. Me Want. Blaze.”
Maybe first she needs to send him another prophecy tweet that says, “The selfie stick is close.” The other thing I envisioned? The pictures I’m bound to have sent to me late some night. A blurry shoulder (Gasp! Yuzu! Shoulder Scandal!) The kitchen counter. One stunned fish eye. And definitely one of the stick itself. These will probably be followed by a text stating, “I’m not skilled at selfies.” I’m going to tell her it doesn’t mean she isn’t skilled at selfies, it just means she’s won first place (and thus nothing) in the “Shittily Taken Photos of Yourself Competition.”
In the past, I have explained to my sister that no one looks good in a selfie. No one. (Except for, you guessed it, YUZU.) But I guess it is in the fish eye of the beholder. There is one selfie picture of Chansung she texted so frequently to me and my mom that we finally had to tell her to stop. It became known as the infamous guppy picture. She loves this picture. My mom and I do not get this picture. So who knows. Maybe Chansung will be as turned on by the one stunned fish eye picture as she is by the guppy face. (Hey! Guppy? Fish eye? I didn’t even do that on purpose!) Maybe they ARE meant for each other. And anyway, if the pictures don’t work, there’s always the selfie stick as a weapon of love plan.
I think I almost said that in Japanese once…