I’ve seen Yuzu in person…now what?
Aside from standing at my oven while whisking soup with one hand and saving Yuzu photos to my phone with the other, I think nothing.
In fact, after the Free Program of the 2019 Autumn Classic, I hadn’t even left Toronto before I found myself sitting in my hotel room (eating TimBits, of course) and saying to my mom and sister, “I really think it’s ruined my life.”
But I mean that in the most fantastically ruined way possible.
What tops seeing Yuzuru Hanyu IN PERSON? Nothing.
And how can any other human ever expect to live up to that? They can’t.
“You are not Yuzu.”
This is what I am going to say to every other person for the rest of my life.
And I don’t understand how you can look at anyone else once you know about Yuzuru Hanyu. The only reason I ever forgive anyone for their “bias” is because I have to assume they just don’t know who Yuzu is…and then I’m inclined to make them a casserole because that’s sad and I feel sorry for them. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen someone make a broccoli casserole with the florets forming Yuzu’s face. Even better.
I’m not saying you can’t have other interests…I just don’t know how you can think any other human can even come close to Yuzu. But I understand people have their “types.” Something has to explain beards. And goodness knows, someone has to marry all those other non-Yuzu people. Which reminds me, I need to make those people casseroles of sadness too.
But back to what happens after you’ve seen Yuzu IN PERSON…
All Fanyus have one of three recordings going through their minds while watching Yuzu:
- I can’t believe I’ll never see him in person.
- I can’t believe I’m seeing him–right there–in person!
- I can’t believe I saw him in person.
I had always thought the repeat recording in my head would stop once I had seen him. I had heard all three tracks (particularly rocking out while lip syncing to Track #2), but all it did was reveal the bonus track:
“And when will I get to see him in person again?”
Now, I don’t even have to be watching him on TV to have the track triggered. I can be doing anything, at any time, anywhere. Washing my car. Buying groceries. Organizing files. I will just be randomly struck by the thought of,
‘I can’t believe I saw Yuzu.‘
In fact, I feel compelled to share this information with anyone and everyone I encounter.
McDonald’s Drive Thru? “I’d like a bacon McDouble, medium french fry, mocha frappe with no whipped cream and, oh, I’ve seen Yuzuru Hanyu in person.”
Work Email? “I’ve scheduled the Zoom meeting for tomorrow at 2PM. The link is below, and I’ve seen Yuzuru Hanyu in person.”
Introduction to someone new? “Hi. Nice to meet you. I’ve seen Yuzuru Hanyu in person. Oh, and also, YOU ARE NOT YUZU.”
That thought–that beautiful, beautiful thought–will be with me for the rest of my life.
And I am totally okay with that. No casserole needed.
