I waited in line 30 minutes on Black Friday to buy a Christmas present…for Arima.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: This was written during Thanksgiving of 2018, shortly after Yuzu was injured at the Rostelecom Cup.
I went to three different stores on Black Friday to buy gifts for friends and family members, only to approach the checkout line, gasp at the crowd and say, “Nothing is worth this” before leaving empty handed. But when I found something I wanted for Arima at Target, I happily found the festive, half-heliumed, sagging, black balloon being held by the equally half-inflated, soul-sucked employee to mark the beginning of the line…well out of viewing distance of the actual registers. Time to adapt some time zone math. Right now it’s Black Friday in Target. I’m about 15 aisles, two Glade displays and a popcorn spill away from the registers. Change the day, add seventeen…Will it still be Christmas by the time I check out? But I waited. I not only waited–I waited happily. It’s Arima’s first Christmas with us. A 30 minute wait ain’t no thang.
In fact, the current Christmas present expense tally for the month stands at the following:
Cactus: $2.07
Family: $3.84
Arima: $15.53
One, that sounds about right. Two, sorry Cactus. Granted, it’s early yet. I still have plenty of other gift ideas…for Arima.
These are the types of cold, hard facts that are leading me to believe I may be turning into a hermit. Minus one crazy non-hermit-like breakthrough I had recently:
My Facebook interactions with CloneMe have been increasing as the Fanyus grow daily edgier since entering Yuzu Crutches Era 2.0. The warm, fuzzy optimism has started to wear thin and our sympathy casseroles ran out days ago. All that’s left is a platter with some radishes. I realize Facebook interactions with strangers do not lessen your Hermit Likelihood Levels. My point is that it has not become unusual (Pimsleur Disc 76.5!) to have a regular post on my wall from CloneMe. “Look at this GIF”, “read this quote”, “I’m having a panic attack that Yuzu is going to retire”, etc. But the other day I looked at my Facebook wall to read, “I’m going to have a Yuzu Party. I assume you’ll come.”
Uh oh. The Zamboni just iced right over that line…
But here’s the best part.
I want to go.
Now, when I shared this with Cactus, he was shocked. “I just assumed you wouldn’t want to go because, you know, she’s a stranger.” This could be due to the fact that I will even occasionally cancel plans with Best-Friends-For-Sixteen-Years-Might-As-Well-Be-My-Brother-Knows-My-Entire-Life Cactus because I’m feeling too antisocial. I explained to him that the Yuzu Bond is strong. Cactus’s response? He immediately flooded my phone with “Meeting People on the Internet Skills 101” text warnings.
I mean, granted, this could go all sorts of directions. I somehow envision a dimly lit living room with furniture from the 70s and a giant bowl of communal Fritos. Communal Fritos are on the Hermit Nightmare List along with team building outings, elevators stopping to let people on and that part of the church service where they force you to shake hands with the hacking cough, over perfumed and just-wiped-my-kids-nose people sitting around you. (If you go to church, you know exactly what I mean.)
It may not even be at her house. I wouldn’t be surprised if she rented out an ice skating rink. Add Communal Concussions to that Nightmare List. The best would be if she could rent out a Pizza Hut from the 80s. Granted, Yuzu wasn’t alive in the 80s…
But-we-don’t-talk-about-that.
Despite all these unknowns, I still think it could be fun. (I first typed “WOULD” be fun, but then regained at least a sliver of my senses and changed it to “COULD”. Let’s not set ourselves up for complete failure.) I said as much to Cactus and told him that at the very least, this would finally prove whether CloneMe is actually Yuzu. I got an instant “Spoiler Alert” GIF for that one. He has such little faith.
Maybe all this time she’s been thinking I’m Yuzu too…
So even if the party is just two, sad girls sitting in bean bag chairs swooning over my boyfriend while one of us pretends to eat communal Fritos, I can always use the drive home to check a couple more stores for another gift for Arima.