There's a Global Pandemic...

THERE’S A GLOBAL PANDEMIC…and Yuzu exhausted the Fanyus with his awesomeness.

Originally released in January 2021 on the FanyuFanme Facebook Page, this special 5-part blog series celebrated Yuzu’s first, post-White Wall competition. You can now read it in its entirety below!

A return so epic, not even the Fanyus were prepared.

The Draw

Yuzu made his triumphant return to the ice on Christmas Day. And even the word “triumphant” doesn’t do it justice. We all knew it would be amazing. We all knew Yuzu had been creating something really special during his radio silence–er–white wall silence. But despite being fully aware that Yuzu will always raise the bar, I think we had still been lulled into the belief that Yuzu couldn’t get any more…Yuzu.

And then, as always, he proved us wrong.

It started with the Draw. A (usually) incredibly lackluster, systematic procedure to determine skate order. So why did I have my alarm set for 3:55 AM to log onto YouTube (through a VPN I had secured to make sure I didn’t miss a second of this lackluster, systematic procedure)? Because there was the chance that we would get a glimpse of Mr. Luster himself: Yuzu. Staring at my iPhone screen in the middle of the morning on Christmas Eve, I finally gained access to the feed of an auditorium full of socially distanced athletes. Because, you know, there’s a pandemic. But where is Yuzu? Any true Fanyu can take a look at a room full of people and even when those people are all dressed the same, they can still identify in a 1.6 second screen scan if Yuzu is there or not. So far? No Yuzu. Then, there was a bit of a flurry in the far back corner of the feed, and you know, instantly, here comes Yuzu.

The same suit everyone else is wearing looks thousands of dollars nicer. The same mask everyone else is wearing looks a thousand times more badass. And the same hair…well, let’s face it, no one has the same hair.  

And thus we got the first glimpse into what became another recurring theme of the Japan Nationals: There’s a global pandemic…and Yuzu is determined to defeat it. Last one into the room in order to avoid needlessly being in a group setting? Good job, Yuzu. Barely making eye contact with anyone to avoid triggering unnecessary conversation? Good job, Yuzu. Not setting your papers or gift bag on the floor to avoid potential germ spread to something you’re handling? Good job, Yuzu. And then, the SECOND the ceremony is over, darting out (but in a very professional, polite manner full of gratitude and class) in order to avoid being in a herd egress? GOLD MEDAL, Yuzu.  

We haven’t even started the competition yet, and you’re already in the lead.

The Short Program

The Short Program was so un-Yuzu, but in an epic Yuzu way. There were some serious Yuzu exhibition throwbacks: The return of the shiny black pants–distant cousin to the purple pants of sin. The white tank–please tell me there are hidden paint sticks for you to draw a comically disproportionate heart on it at the end. The fingerless gloves–but not really fingerless because, you know, Yuzu layers are important to keep the mail being delivered in Sendai. You have to give a special shout out to the stylized not leather-leather jacket. (“Ayyyyy, it’s Fonzu!”) And while we might just be getting spoiled with the abundance of LGC hair, keep it coming, Yuzu. It’s saving the world, one can of hairspray at a time.  

The program itself was pure energy and full of one “can we stop and think about how hard that really is” moment after the next (I’m lookin at you ninja kick). Just look at the number of times Yuzu changes what plane he is on (and I don’t mean the ANA kind).  Down on one knee here, lower to that knee there… I challenge you to get down on the floor and quickly get back up. Now think about doing that on ice. The last time I got out of my car and hit a sheet of ice, the last thing I was thinking about doing was ricocheting back up from a toe pick while selling it to the judges.  

That reminds me. Let’s talk about Yuzu’s grace when falling. Have you seen other skaters fall? Have you seen how ungracefully they recover? I saw one skater in particular (whose name rhymes with Meegan Kessing – changed to protect the innocent) literally starfish on the ice, slide across the rink and ricochet off the board before even starting the back-on-the-feet process.

A) It will stand in infamy as one of the greatest non-Yuzu moments in figure skating I have ever witnessed.

B) I genuinely like Meegan thanks to his heart-bursting act of kindness in holding the Japanese flag up for Yuzu during ACI 2019.

In the warm up before the Free Program (which we’ll get to later), another skater (whose name rhymes with Uoma Shno–dang, that one was harder to figure out) had a similar (yet less star-fishy) fall that took some doing to recover from. Camera cuts to Yuzu who also falls, but bounces back up before the ice could even think about adhering to his costume. Not to say that Yuzu has never starfish fallen, but, when he has, he’s stayed on the ice out of a requirement to be precious, not his inability to get his footing. (We all know that only happens for Yuzu when walking on regular floors.)

But I think my favorite moment had to be the most half-hearted “shake your ass” in the history of ass shaking. He actually looked more nervous going into that whisper of choreography than he does before any quad-quad combo. And I loved it. It’s so not you, Yuzu. And by so not being you, you managed to make the awkwardness more endearing. Let’s hope it stays that way. The more uncomfortable, the better. Granted, he may have just been dialing it down to protect the more “earthy” Fanyus from turning to complete ash from their blazing. (It is, after all, important to understand the true level of your power.) But I prefer to believe it’s really the 恥ずかしさ [embarrassment]. Because, to this Fanyu, THAT is Yuzuru Hanyu.

The Free Program

Let’s just go ahead and get it out there: I can’t handle the beauty of the Free Program costume. It reminds me of a costume Yuzu wore in one of the Lotte clear file campaigns. You know those costumes…the ones that are usually so unbelievably spectacular that you mourn the fact that he only had them on for a brief photo shoot and then we never got to see him in them again. I can’t help but think that Yuzu took his Human Information Science Thesis out of that particular folder one day and thought, “Man. I look really good in that.  Maybe I should skate in it this season.”  But his thought would have been much more beautiful because it would’ve been in Japanese. As much as Yuzu’s English has improved (but please don’t get any better at it, Yuzu, because that would just ruin it) I still doubt he’s thinking to himself in English yet.

Aside from being brilliantly performed and everything you could ever want in a Yuzu Program (though it could’ve used an intentional hair sweep), “Heaven and Earth” proved something very important to me: I could never be a figure skating judge. Now, aside from the fact that I probably COULD be a better figure skating judge than–well, we won’t get ugly–I say this because I would surely award GOE for the wrong things. For example, the spin and then skating backward while reaching out that he does directly in front of the judges…how can you not just start clicking the points button like a K-Pop fan hitting the heart button during a BTS stream? (For older Fanyus, think Mario and the turtle shell ricocheting on the stairs hack in Super Mario Brothers.) To this day, every time I watch “SEIMEI” I think the seductive skating steps past the judges was worth the gold medal alone. Thank you for giving us that gift, Shae-Lynn. 本当に.[Truly.] Speaking of choreography, something must be said about Yuzu’s hair choreography in “Heaven and Earth.” I’m not sure how he does it, but Yuzu must’ve gotten out his protractor and calculated the perfect part for his hair in order to maximize its aerodynamic artistry. Average humans have wind go through their hair and end up looking like they’ve been electrocuted. But Yuzu uses it to his full advantage. The hydroblade hair earned particularly high marks…that is, of course, if I were the one judging. Actual judges? “That was flawless. Wait. This is Yuzuru Hanyu? INVALIDATED.” But that’s another blog altogether…

Beautiful costume and hair aside (I can’t believe I just said that), the most important thing about Yuzu’s Free Program (and, quite honestly, all of his programs ever) is that you FEEL something while you’re watching. And that is because YUZU feels something while skating. From the moment the music starts, you are transported into these worlds with him. And while it is a testament to his artistry, it is often overlooked that this is also one of the truest testaments to his technical ability. Yuzu is so good. (Wow, that statement reminds me of the time Charlie White was interviewing Yuzu and described him as “more than capable.” Even humble Yuzu looked at him like he was crazy for that understatement.) What I mean is that Yuzu is so good that he is able to fully immerse himself in what he is FEELING instead of what he is DOING. Yuzu skates while thinking, “I’m floating on waves of a breeze while cherry blossoms dance around me on a clear, blue sky, 春 [Spring] day in Japan.” Other skaters think, “Any minute Imma gonna ヒトデ [starfish].” …but I doubt most of them are thinking to themselves in Japanese yet…

Stunt Pooh-san

One thing must be addressed: THAT WAS NOT REAL POOH-SAN.

Now, I’m not going to speculate what the situation is with Real Pooh-san…wait. Yes, that is exactly what I’m about to do.  

When I saw the first images of Not Real Pooh-san, my very first thought was, “Well, of course.” If I was getting ready to go into a potential Covid-hive, the last thing I’d bring would be my most valuable plush treasure and start taping him to surfaces. Or, better yet, keep handing him off to various members of my team (no matter how much we trust you 眼鏡-さん [Megane-san]…and we so do).  I would say, “You sit this one out, Pooh-san. I’ve got this. You trust me.” and then wait to return home, throw away all the clothing I had worn in the Covid-hive, take 3 scalding showers and then give him a loving head squeeze…after first using my Yuzu Hand Sanitizer.

Thus, enter, Stunt Pooh-san.  

Now, of course Yuzu wasn’t trying to fool us that this was not Real Pooh-san. I mean, if we can tell what song he’s lip syncing in the warm up area, we can certainly tell that his tissue case is now holding a yuzu. Yuzu holding Pooh-san holding a yuzu…yes, welcome the metaness. Add in that Pooh-san is usually covering a Winnie the Pooh themed Kleenex box and the world starts rotating backwards. Anyway, even if we had happened to miss the (obvious) stuffed fruit yuzu, it became abundantly clear as we witnessed the Winner of Men Yuzu’s interactions with Stunt Pooh-san. Yes, Stunt Pooh-san is a stuffed animal, so Yuzu still treated him with love and kindness, but there were very clear moments of “You’re not Real Pooh-san.” I mean, for one thing, the head squeeze before the Short Program was quite half-hearted. Soulmate friendship was replaced with ceremony. Which just adds to my argument that while it has been said that Pooh-san is a “lucky charm”…the Real Pooh-san doesn’t get a head squeeze of superstition. He gets a finger in the eye, head squeeze of LIFELINE.

But I was happy for Stunt Pooh-san. I mean, imagine getting that message delivered to you in the Hundred Acre Wood. “We’re putting you in, kid. Of all the Winnies in the Fowest, you’re the one going to JNats. Make us proud.” And Stunt Pooh-san BROUGHT IT. He played it cool for the practices, warm-ups, short and free programs and just when you thought he was going to be the understudy who didn’t attempt to steal the show…he did it. He took the plunge. Literally. Fanyus the world over owe Stunt Pooh-san infinite gratitude for giving us one of the all-time greatest Yuzu Kiss & Cry Moments…on so many levels:

1. Yuzu places Stunt Pooh-san behind him.
2. Stunt Pooh-san thinks about it…thinks about it…leans….leannnnnns…..and GOES FOR IT.
3. Yuzu looks down at Stunt Pooh-san with an expression of, “What was that about?”
4. Yuzu retrieves Stunt Pooh-san, asking him directly if he’s hurt.  (Unique Situation, folks.)
5. Yuzu sets Stunt Pooh-san on the other side of the divider, and proceeds to say “ソーシャルディスタンス” [social distance] in such a precious way that I am certain even the most stalwart person would be convinced to do it regardless of whether they insisted Covid was a government plot or not.

Add in the hands on the divider moment and watching the playback while holding Stunt Pooh-san in his lap and talking to him like they’re watching Demon Slayer together and Stunt Pooh-san has become a contender.

But don’t worry, Real Pooh-san. We haven’t forgotten you. We know you’ll return once it is safe.  And just as we did with Yuzu’s epic airport arrival in Pyeongchang, we anxiously await your triumphant return so Yuzu can once again jam his finger in your eye…like only true friends do.

The Awesomeness

The new programs were stunning.

The photos (even just of Yuzu reading paperwork awaiting the Draw) were iconic.

The interviews were eloquent.

It was Yuzu being Yuzu.

But by the time we reached Haru Yo Koi Yuzu gloriously sweep his hair back during the encore of “Let Me Entertain You”, the Fanyus were exhausted. Sure, most of us had been living 20 hour days with fearful catnaps in between streams. Sure, it was during the holidays. Sure, we were too nervous pre-competition and too worked up post-competition to sleep. But none of these factors were the true reason we were exhausted. We were exhausted by Yuzu’s awesomeness.

Yuzu had emerged from in front of the white wall and had blinded us with his real-time return. For nine months, Yuzu had graced us in a very controlled fashion. Pre-recorded. Unknown location. Single source surfacing. Sometimes it was only 9 seconds. And then, suddenly, he was everywhere…all the time…live…being awesome.

It was a lot to process. The self training. The voice of reason. The beacon of light. He was even a spokesperson for the equal opportunity of stuffed animals.  

It didn’t stop after the competition. Once the handwritten letter was published thanking the frontline workers of the pandemic, it was official. We were ready to make Yuzu the Supreme Leader of the Universe. Yes, of course Yuzu must have his flaws. But, problems or not, when he was created, God dumped in the whole jar.  Jar of what, you ask? 

Of AWESOME.

And you can tell that Yuzu feels the pressure. In every conversation, in every interview, in every moment, it was made clear: Yuzu is trying to single-handedly save the world. Somewhere between the self training, the thesis writing and selling out Bluetooth headsets, Yuzu has probably been in his basement with a chemistry set making Covid vaccines. Sign me up for that one, お願いします [please].  

But Yuzu, take it from this exhausted but happy Fanyu, during those five unforgettable December days…

For every jump, every spin, every hand reach and every hair sweep, you filled our hearts.

For every kind word, every thoughtful statement, every precautionary action, you gave us hope.

And for every smile, every laugh, every moment of lightness, you made us happy.

In a time when so much has been taken from us, you gave us Yuzuru Hanyu.  

And now?  We need a nap.