My Fanyu Clone is searching my Yuzugraphic Memory.
And, apparently, I live an hour away from myself. That’s right. While my sister doesn’t interact with Chansung fans, I have found my Fanyu Clone. We are close in age, close in proximity and close in Yuzu tastes (and I don’t mean the citrus). It’s one thing to find a Fanyu online, it’s another to find one within driving distance. Which is exactly why we became friends on Facebook. We are probably the only two Fanyus in this state. (I’ll keep you guessing on which state that is.) While everyone else was bemoaning Yuzu’s return to Toronto because he was going to be “so far away!” me and CloneMe (Obi helped come up with that name) were cheering. “やった! [Hooray!] He’s in our time zone now!” (There’s a state hint for ya…)
Truth be told, while it’s cool that Yuzu’s back in the same time zone as me, it also takes a bit of the fun out of it. I was that weirdo who found myself doing time zone math in the middle of the day. “If it’s 2 PM now, that means it’s 2 AM not PM, add the one, change the day…3 AM tomorrow where Yuzu is right now. I bet he’s up late playing a video game.” I found it strangely comforting–feeling like he was going about his day when mine was ending. “It’s 11 PM now. That means it’s 11 AM not PM, add the one, change the day…lunchtime for Yuzu. Oh wait. He doesn’t eat. Oh well. Goodnight, Yuzu.” But after months of getting really good at figuring Japan time, it’s crazy to think, “It’s 7 PM now. That means it’s…7 PM where Yuzu is right now. Well. That wasn’t very challenging.”
Me and CloneMe send each other our favorite Yuzu videos: “Have you seen this? Could you just die?” We even select videos based on the weather pattern for the day. “This video + thunder = peak level epic.” And trust me, it was.
CloneMe’s computer recently crashed, losing all her Yuzu videos, so I’ve been helping rebuild her library because I have a ridiculous (I mean, perfectly normal) amount saved and committed to the card catalog in my mind.
Turns out I have quite the Yuzugraphic memory (this, much different than what could be described as my sister’s Chansung GRAPHIC memory). I’m talking about my ability to remember obscure things from Yuzu videos that enables me to quickly find them based on the smallest hint from someone’s recollection.
I think there was a video of Yuzu walking through a field talking about being alone so he can focus on skating…
Wearing the grey fleece pullover? I know the one. Documentary on Daily Motion. Here’s the link. Sorry it doesn’t have the subtitles…not sure where that version went. (10 seconds later.) Here it is with subtitles!
I can’t find the show where Yuzu said he sleeps with one eye open…
TV Asaichi. The 15 minute, 9 second video has subtitles. The 49 minute 3 second video doesn’t, but if you jump ahead to 30 minutes and 51 seconds you can watch Yuzu make a terrarium. You want to see that. TRUST ME.
Have you seen the FanCam clip where Yuzu’s jacket is unzipped 5/18 of an inch and his hair is parted 3mm different than at the 2015 Rostelecom Cup warm-up for-
GOT IT.
So yes. I am quite the resource in helping CloneMe rebuild her Yuzu library. Unless she asks for the Shoulder Scandal of 2018 video, I should have her covered. (Covered? Get it?) I’m telling you, the Fanyus take care of each other. Remember the swarm? We are the bees that feed the needs.
When I informed Cactus that I had found my Fanyu Doppelganger, he looked skeptical. Then when I told him, “Though she is OB-sessed” I couldn’t have gotten a more judgmental face accompanied by a shockingly more judgmental, “Oh reallllllly?” Yep. A six syllable “really”. I tried to explain that, come on, she’s even started to go ice skating. “Lots of people go ice skating…” Cactus replied, followed by the unspoken yet deafening subtext of,
“…but you’ve started a blog about how he’s your boyfriend.”
Yes, Cactus knows about the blog. In fact, Cactus has benevolently agreed to let me read posts to him to see how they land…or don’t land. And when they don’t land, he’s perfectly comfortable saying, “That didn’t land.” One night, I read him a post in which he responded, “Well. That was unusually aggressive.” (Unusual. Had he said that word in Japanese, I would’ve known he’d made it to Pimsleur Disc 76.5.) Another time, he told me I had gone off on a tangent. To which I replied, “Uh. This whole blog is a tangent.” The most interesting part about Cactus listening to my blog is that Cactus has seen about 46 seconds of Yuzu footage. So if none of this is making sense to you, just blame Cactus for not saying, “That didn’t land” more frequently.
But I know it will land with CloneMe. She’ll get it all. Because we are Yuzpatico. (I can hear it now…“That didn’t land.”) Though there is one distinct difference I should point out. CloneMe has a boyfriend. A “real people can be amazing too” boyfriend (I assume). Maybe the boyfriend she keeps referencing on Facebook is a different imaginary boyfriend since I already claimed Yuzu as mine. But this is something I simply can’t understand. These Fanyus with boyfriends. What are they thinking? If I’d been dating Boy 1 or Boy 2 during the PyeongChang Olympics, I would’ve had to break up with him after I saw Yuzu. I would’ve felt like I was cheating…
…ON YUZU.
Though CloneMe might just be using the boyfriend as a cover. She might not even live in my state. She might not even be a she. She might…wait a second. Right now, it is 9:36 PM which means don’t change the PM, don’t carry the one and don’t change the day. It is also 9:36 PM where CloneMe is…riding home in the backseat of a van eating a 卵 [egg] McMuffin and checking Facebook to see which favorite video I sent today.
Because CloneMe…is YUZU!